hello you person.

So as a cartoon I look nothing like I do in real life and slightly vampiritic.

So I stumbled upon (I just spelled that word like “apon”… wow.) a great site called “LaLa”. On it you can stream any album once for free and even upload your own music. It’s a great place to find new tunes. I recommend you check it out!

Here’s a playlist of chill music I made up.

La La Sign up

I am now a partner in the website cookboooktree.com. This website allows you to upload your recipes and create online cookbooks using these and recipes added by other members of the community. You can even export them in pdf form or print them out!  Some people just use it as a secure place to store their family recipes. Many changes should be coming soon, but for now, check out the site and sign up!

I don’t like to be dirty. I like showers. I’m pretty fond of electricity. I am often chained to devices with brightly lit screens. I’m trying to break this cycle. (not that I won’t still like showers… but that I won’t NEED them)

I went up to Macomb  two weekends and I mountainbiked with my friend Andrew(and am going again this weekend). It was really friggin awesome. The course is just over a foot wide and full of challenging obstacles. I didn’t think to bring a helmet… a decision I regretted as I was flying over my handlebars and my chest slammed into a nearby tree. I had a wicked headache for the rest of the ride but it felt good (in a weird way) to get my first big wipeout out of the way.

Last I camped Friday through Sunday at Meramec River with eight people for my friend Kim’s b-day. Last time I camped was probably circa 2002, but I think something about alcohol makes the whole situation more tolerable. Kayaking there was an absolute blast! I jumped from trees, cliffs, did “kayak surf fighting”, got applauded when I did a perfect backflip from the ropeswing, and did front flips from the raft slip-n-slide (you run from the shore, slide on the underside of the raft, and four guys jerk the end of the raft upward when you get to the end).

Also, I did something I hadn’t done this whole millenia. I went fishing. I had ALOT of trouble with my pole (which came with no instructions) and I somehow had line unraveling from three spots. But I worked out the kinks and caught a bluegill. Awesome.

Oh, and a useless fact. I was born on a Friday. http://scphillips.com/units/dayform.html

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage – Billy Corgan

My hamster’s name is Pipsqueak. My hamster is free. It has a cage but I leave its cage on the ground with the cage door open. It can come and go as it pleases. It runs freely about the house all night and in the morning I see its sleeping back in its cozy little bed with its store of food nearby. It knows where home is and it loves its home. I’ve seen it run up its ramp to the cage, only to start running on the wheel. It has the whole house to explore… but sometimes not going anywhere is a good thing.

Most people live in cages, some have cages forced upon them and some step into the cage lock the door and chuck the key out of reach. I’ve lived in a medium sized town in Illinois for 22 of my 23 years (I lived in another medium sized town in Illinois for one year in college). Point is… I feel like I still have a choice, I could stay in my safe little cage in my own private cozy little world with my little wheel and a nice store of food, water, and comforts. But I have the option to run around the house. It’s a pretty big house and I’d much like to see all the different rooms.

All metaphors aside I’ve been thinking about where I’d like to head in life. I’ve always just assumed I’d graduate college (which I did), get a nice steady job and move up the ranks, afford a nice car, a nice house, get a nice wife, and have wonderful intelligent kids. (Actually, scratch the car, I think I’ll still be driving ugly cars that run well if I’m a millionaire.) But why lock myself up so soon? I’ll have plenty of time to putter around confined to a single town when I’m old and my knees are shot. Here’s what I’d rather do.

I’d like to have a job where I would be able to work from anywhere. Just me, my RV and my wifee (and a laptop with satellite internet). Out on the road, hopping from town to town. Maybe staying a month… or however long it takes to get a taste of living there… and deciding it would suck to be stuck there. I’d just do my web work whenever I got a chance and my wife could do the same… or something like art or photography. Maybe even play some music, do some stand-up when I got a chance. Oh, and the RV will run mostly on solar energy. Gas isn’t going to get any cheaper. (Whether by actual scarcity, commodities investors, or the government forcing us to be a certain color.) All this is tentatively planned for 5 years from now, assuming I’ll have enough saved up to afford an RV. Or I’ll just ride my bike around Europe.

From all this musing, I take this. The babies and mortgage can wait. Why run on the wheel? The house won’t always be mine to explore.

On a final note: Billy Corgan, you will always be my #1 Billy. RIP Billy Mays and may Billy Zane honor your position as my new 2^nd favorite Billy.

What ever happened to the days when Marilyn Manson was considered the spawn of Satan? And him and the poorly rendered red pixels in Doom were responsible for two boys shooting up a high school.

Sigh… those were the days. Well, no I don’t mean it like THAT. All I’m saying is that in the last 10 years the amount of sexuality and ultraviolence projected into our heads (and the children think of the children people lol) has increased substantially. Mortal Kombat (whose success can only be attributed to the use of a ‘K’ in the word ‘combat’… Limp Bizkit anyone?) looks absolutely tame compared to the blood sprayed about in modern games (check out Manhunt). Honestly most of today’s M-rated games would have been banned if they came out in 1993 and maybe some T-rated ones.

I don’t watch CSI or any of those other gory TV shows. However, I like horror movies and I’ve seen 4 of 5 saw movies. I go to the movie theater and watch TV for much different purposes. If I’m going to see a movie like “Drag Me to Hell” I’m going in for the purpose of seeing some spooky specters and am mentally prepared for this. But I am more of a casual TV viewer and like to watch TV to relax. I want to watch mindless syndicated sitcoms and laugh at their recycled jokes. So it just kills my whole vibe when I’m flipping channels and come across some pale dead woman lying on a table, mouth agape, with cuts and strangulation marks (probably raped at some point). I want to see good clean fun like The Andy Griffith Show and Leave it to Beaver come back to primetime. Well, LITB probably needs a name change (on account of the slang these days) and the whole “subservient wife” in this nuclear family is no longer politically correct… which is sure to provide some laughs (this is evidenced by Mad TV’s “Leave it to Blink-182” sketch).

Back to my favorite M&M named celebrity(besides Marilyn Monroe, Mickey Mouse, and anyone else with an M&M name). Marilyn Manson has a new song called “Pretty Like a Swastika”… ok this guy is just trying too hard now. I assume he’s talking about the symbol the Nazi’s adopted from the Aryan’s and not any of the similar symbols used throughout the world prior to receiving the “red band treatment”. See? That’s why as parents you should hug your little boys & girls more. Because if you don’t, when they grow up… they are going to wear creepy contact lenses.

Well, this concludes another unfocused blog. Thanks for sticking with me person who is reading this sentence.

Yesterday, was a lazy Sunday (other than my bike ride through the forest). So I lounged around strumming my 6-string (6-string = “guitar” for those of you not familiar with the lingo the kids use with these days). I was singing an original composition in which I want to sing loudly at  pitches slightly out of my range.

Ok, let’s try something right now. Make sure you are alone (or if you are not alone make sure you are only around people whose opinions you don’t care about). Now quietly sing “laaa” near the top of your range. Now belt out the same “LAAAA” as loud as you can. What does it sound like? It sounds like crap. And your voice probably cracked like pre-pubescent boy.

However on this occasion I made my “LAAA” sound like I was friggin [insert name of famous opera singer here]. I had recalled advice from a singing lesson CD my dad had bought. It had suggested that rather than singing “on your vocal chords” you sing “on the mask of your face”. It sounds stupid, but you sort of just project the sound into your sinuses or something and it resonates… or something.

My singing now sounds 20% less strained and nasally! (but 5% more effeminate)

Hey girl! Wanna go for a ride?

Ahh the beer scooter. The best $400 you’ll ever spend. I’d love to travel cross-country on this 13 mph-capable beast, spreading happiness and brewskys wherever I went. However, I’d have to equip it with a heavy duty battery so I could last more than 15 miles per charge.

AHHH AHH OoH! Mail for you!

Words cannot describe how much I love this Mail Chimp’s logo. I mean… a monkey… delivering mail… that is brilliant… that is hysterical. It doesn’t matter what kind of company you are… you NEED a monkey as your mascot or present in your logo. You CANNOT command the respect of the marketplace without one. I mean liquor brands, day spas, dentists, power tools, politicians… they all need a monkey present somewhere in their marketing efforts.

hmmm....

If only everyone was as immature as me. Then and only then will they see the error in their ways.

First- Time Magazine Next- SI Swimsuit Issue

I just launched a site where you can edit/skew quotations from famous people to humorous effect. It’s called Quote dotdotdot and I think it would behoove you to check it out.

Why can’t I run? My knees and back are fine. I’m a spry 23-year-old and am physically capable of running in every way. So why can’t I run? (don’t worry, this isn’t a rhetorical question… I’ll answer myself right… now) Society. Society tells me I can’t run. There’s no law against running and there aren’t signs everywhere (no skateboarding) telling me not to. It’s simply a social moor that tells me that I can’t, that it would be silly and foolish TO run. But for a society that preaches “time is money” it would be foolish not to run.

Have to walk all the way down the hall to the bathroom? Run there… be back working at your desk in no-time. Productivity in this country would skyrocket! The financial implications alone should convince companies to experiment in implementing a mandatory running policy (not to mention fitter employees). “Oh, but Luke there will be high speed collisions and people will get hurt.” Yeah… that’s what those nay-sayers said about a little invention called The Automobile. So just widen the hallways at work and paint a little yellow line in the middle. In America we can run on the right side of the hallway. So we have to be careful when we visit other countries where they will run on the left side of the hallway. If we need to enter a doorway we will simply point at the door we want to enter and repeatedly say “I’m going in that door… I’m going in that door…” Now that isn’t so hard. If you own a business, get a leg up on the competition and implement this tactic NOW!

I almost forgot, I AM allowed to run at certain times and places. I am allowed to run on my stride-trainer at my house… and whilst tethered to a treadmill or elliptical at the gym. However, I am allowed to run for nothing but the sake of running itself. My motivation for this could be physical fitness… but I am not allowed to do anything productive beyond this with my running. I cannot run for the sole intent of going to the store and getting a loaf of bread… then running home with the aforementioned bread. No, that would look quite silly. You always here people say “Oh I gotta go run here”. But they aren’t really running are they… no they’re DRIVING. I had a friend who lived across the street from a grocery store. His mom drove there. God forbid anyone has to cross a street on anything but four wheels.

Children run everywhere. Why? It’s the quickest way to get between two places. And plus, it’s kind of fun. Why don’t we learn from their example? Sadly society has robbed us of our innocence and told us we are not allowed to have fun or act childish. Yesterday I really wanted to run through Home Depot to get to the appliance department quicker… but I would feel weird… so I walked.

There was a kid we called “Turbo” when I was in school. He ran wherever he went. He was a laughing stock… but why? He got where he needed to be on-time, and he didn’t sacrifice a single moment of his life for a society that tells us “we have to walk everywhere”. Turbo… you are my hero. Run on my friend. Run like the wind.

Sorry to my faithful reader(s). I have put off posting to this blog for far too long. It seems after staring at a computer screen (actually 2 of them) for 8 hours a day… I never quite feel like booting up my old laptop when I get home.

I promise you this… I WILL have another post this month. And it’ll be decent.

Maybe two posts, but now you’d just be getting greedy.

I know I’m interesting, and I know the people want more. But there’s just not enough of my time to go around.

I am working on a few websites right now (when I say working, I mean putting off) and I will let you know what they are and what there purpose is upon completion.

I don’t make a post in two months… and I come back with this POS self serving stuff. Oh, nevermind… that’s what the rest of my posts are as well. My bad.